Whistling in the Dark

My darling and I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. The distance has not been easy, in fact it has been very difficult, but we will be together soon. Over this year I’ve learned a few things about making a long distance relationships work. Many of these things are very important in normal relationships but become paramount when dealing with being apart most of the time.

• Communication: If you and your partner can not or will not communicate you are doomed from the start. It’s hard enough to deal with a lack of communication in a face to face relationship but it will destroy a long distance one. Do not keep things bottled up. Don’t assume your partner just knows what you want or what you are thinking. We live in a world where technology makes communication easier. Don’t discount email, txt, Skype, etc. They are all ways to talk to the one you love.
• Honesty and trust: You must be able to trust your partner and they you. That means no lies, no misdirection. The truth, no matter how hard to say or painful to hear, is better than a lie, which will come out and will hurt worse in the end.
• Never go to bed mad: Fights, while they suck, can and will happen. Resolve them. Do not let the anger and frustration brew. The last thing your love should hear from your lips before going to bed is that you love them.
• Say “I love you”: If you can mean it (and if not why the hell call it a “relationship”) tell the other person that you love them. There are times when the distance seems like too much but a simple heartfelt “I love you” over the phone or txt from your partner can make it seem doable.
• Pictures: Not being able to see the person you love is painful. Emailing or MMSing pictures to each other can take some of that sting away. I know that no matter how crappy my day has been a picture of my beautiful lady’s smiling face makes it better.
• Do “normal” things together, no matter how weird it seems: Go shopping together on Amazon.com, or both of you get take out and have dinner together on the phone. I know it seems really silly but these little things can be great.
• Don’t discount the old fashion: This may seem odd seeing as how I said to use technology to it’s fullest earlier but every once and a while send the one you love a real, honest to goodness love lever. I know that when ever I’ve gotten one from my darling it has always been a wonderful treat.
• Little gifts can mean a lot: Of course you’re going to send Christmas and birthday gifts if you can’t manage to be together on those days but a random Tuesday is a good time to send a gift too. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, just a little something that shows you care and are thinking of them.
• A good relationship has three parts: Romance, friendship, and sexual desire. Find ways to keep them in balance and neglect none of them.
• Get together as much as possible: This seems like a no brainer but I’ll list it anyway as it is important. Find a way to get together as much as humanly possible. I manage to get out to my love for a few days every couple of months and, while it’s never enough, it stops us from going mad.

These tips are far from everything needed to keep a relationship going but they’re some important ones.

I just set up my beloved with a WordPress install on my server (I’ll add a link when she decides to announce it) and it’s made me miss posting.

The problem is my life is pretty boring. I work, talk to my darling, and sleep. Thanks to my work schedule I don’t even have time to go out and play with my camera. In addition, writing doesn’t come naturally or easy for me. Even if I have something to say it takes me so long to beat it into something readable that I no longer care about it.

That being said I still miss it. Even though practically no one reads this (and I don’t blame them) it was nice to have a place to just post my thoughts. I have twitter and facebook but neither lend themselves to posting more than a sound bite. I’m not going to promise that I’m going to post more but I’m going to try, even if they’re short posts or barely coherent ramblings. At least it’s an outlet. One thing that will help is I found a pretty good WordPress client for my new phone (the phone will get its own post eventually) so I can compose a post no matter where I am.

It seems I am always starting posts by apologizing for not posting more so I’ll just skip it this time, okay?

The beginning of this year was my normal boring work-sleep-work cycle with occasional nice breaks of hanging out with some friends from work. That all changed three weeks ago when I finally got the guts to admit my feelings towards a special someone. Admit them to her and myself.

She was the unexpected. I wasn’t looking for love. In fact I had given up on it. She has pulled me out of my funk and shown me that life is beautiful and just existing is no way to go through life.

Melissa, thank you. Thank you for showing me that. Thank you for enlightening my life. And, most of all, thank you for loving me.

I have to go to a family funeral tomorrow. As always happens when I have to go to a funeral my thoughts turn to my own mortality. Now, I should say right up front I’m not planning to check out any time soon and when I do I doubt I’ll go quietly into that good night. I just wanted to share my thoughts about what I’d like done when I’m gone.

Death in our culture is always a solemn affair where everyone dresses in stuffy clothes and speaks in hushed tones. The family pays way too much money for embalming, a casket, funeral parlor, hearse, and all the other trappings “needed” to give honor to the dead.

Me, I don’t want all that.

My wishes are simple. When I’m gone I want my body given back to the earth as simply as possible. Stick my unpreserved shell in a hole without casket and plant a tree over me. Preferably an ash but an oak or native maple would do. As for a ceremony, something simple at the grave site if you must (No Judeo-Christian clergy please) then a party. Yes, I said a party. I want singing, dancing, and laughing. I want those that I loved in life to enjoy themselves. Of course they’ll be sadness but I won’t be in any pain and I’ll have a chance to see what happens next. So try to be happy. Have a drink, have fun, and remember that that last thing I’d want is for y’all to mope on my account.

Life has been nothing but work but that’s okay for now. Most of my co-workers are cool and I don’t work directly with those that aren’t. Customers can be a real headache but that’s normal for retail.

This week I have three days of off-site training. It’s nice to be off my feet even if it was boring and the commute on Mon and Tues was a bit of a bitch.

I had wanted to start posting more but my life has gotten even more boring than usual so I haven’t had anything to report. I haven’t even been shooting, though I’m planning on going out this afternoon to see if I can find anything.

Life is still in flux but I’m okay with it. I spent the last two days in orientation for my new job. It was mainly boring (as anyone who’s had to sit through any orientation can attest) but the company seems like a good one to work for and everyone is friendly. I go in again Thursday for training. At this point I can’t wait to actually get to the meat of the job and actually start working.

The first thing I need to do is save up for a new (to me) car. I love Lilith but she’s not super reliable and it would cost far too much to get her back into tip-top shape.

I really need to post more often. Sorry.

I start work full time on Monday. It’s swing-shift retail but the pay’s pretty good and the people seem nice.

The following is a short descriptive paper I had to do for English Comp I a few years ago. I remembered it because I’ve been pining to see the RHPS lately.

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A lot of people told me that after a long term relationship breaks up that you’ll have good days, where you’re feeling pretty good, and bad days, where life just fucking sucks. Me, I’m having good hours and bad hours. I imagine this is like what someone who’s badly bipolar goes through. If so then I really feel bad for them. I know this will fade for me with time. They have to live with this their whole life.

I’m alive. Not doing good, but alive.