Whistling in the Dark

Found years ago:

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire,
Jackals ripping at your nose,
You’ll tell Carol “You’re a skunk and a liar,
And you smell like old camel toes.”

Everybody knows some jerk-off under mistletoe
Will help to make the party blight.
Tiny sots with their red eyes aglow
Will find the pavement hard tonight.

They know that Santa’s been delayed
He’s overloaded, overworked, and underpaid,
And every home boy is gonna try
To pot a reindeer with his piece as they fly by.

And so I’m offering this special deal:
“Buy now! Just $19.92!”
You know you’ve been had, many times, many ways,
Merry merchants screw you.